you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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