There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize