Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
