We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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