You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
