I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
