if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
