Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they're like a gay fantastic four
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
