you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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