remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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