well you can't waste a boner
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
