She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
