Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
