Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish i was in the wii world.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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