who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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