I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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