So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
