You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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