so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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