So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
