It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
