I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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