How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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