Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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