Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
