I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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