i wish my penis had a tongue
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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