OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
