Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
