you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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