turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
