If that was your dad, he is hot
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
where are my eyebrows?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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