doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
