Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
