Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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