big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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