Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
