look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
