Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
