From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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