I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
