Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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