Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
