Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
