how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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