**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
