your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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