I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
