I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
