The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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