Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
