just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
