I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
