So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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