Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
