Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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