my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
