She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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