Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize