You really coming over, don't trick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
