It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry my hands just texted you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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