our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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