I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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