WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Enjoy the penises
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize